My grandparents have a great life-story. It isn't anything high-drama or "out of the ordinary", but they were together for almost 50 years and that in itself is interesting!

I don't know the specifics of how they met- I think it was something similar to a "hook up". One of my grandma's friends knew a friend of my grandpa's and they arranged for them to meet. It was a relationship that only could have happened in the 50's because my grandma was only 16 and he was in his late 20's! Definitely something that would get you put in jail nowadays. On top of that, she got pregnant at 16 so that's what led to them getting married. It's not your Hollywood love story and a lot of people do end up getting married because of a pregnancy. But it wasn't void of love and they fell more in love and grew fonder of each other as the years passed.

They ended up having six kids, so I've inherited a big family (because 4 of those kids have kids...and those kids have kids...so I have serveral cousins and second cousins that live around me).

One of their children drowned when he was eight. They were camping at a lake and one of the older kids was jumping into the lake off a log that was a few feet above the water. The eight year old boy decided he was going to copy his brother and jumped in. He never came back up.

Besides that trauma, they've lived a typical life and have raised a great family. My grandpa passed away about 10 years ago and my grandma is still alive. My family has a lot of "young births" (meaning that most had babies while still in their teens or early twenties) so grandma has a few great- grandchildren to play with!

I don't plan on having tons of children, but it would be great to live long enough to see my family develop and grow. I would be very happy if I was like my grandma when I reach old age :)

If we "know that we know", are we aware of WHAT we know? Feeling something, knowing that something is there, is different from having the wisdom to recognize it or understand it or utilize it. We "know" many things, but do not understand them.

When babies enter the world, they learn through observation. They "know" an adult is doing something, but do not understand the compexity. So they observe and mimic until understanding comes.

We are still in an infancy stage- and have kept ourselves from entering childhood and gaining more understanding because we refuse to incorporate and utilize what we observe. We refuse to believe what we observe.

A baby may observe an adult touching a hot plate. The baby watches as the adult recoils from the pain of touching it. The baby tries to touch the plate, finds that it is hot, and understands why the adult reacted the way he/she did. The baby has observed the situation, incorporated it, and now has the wisdom to not touch the plate again.

We can observe, we can "know", but we keep ourselves from transmuting what we know into wisdom.

Do we know that certain foods poison the body and lead to disease? Haven't we observed this again and again? Yet disease rates continue to climb- cancer, diabetes, obesity.

We observe that our school systems are not providing youth what they need. We observe teen violence and dropout rates. And we "know" that our media has shown more violence and stereotypes, and that we continue to pass on outdated traditions to our children- but we refuse to admit that their unhappiness is linked to us.

Do we observe our issues with money? We "know" that we buy impulsively, and we "know" that advertisers use psychological devises to get us to buy more. We know the patterns and results- and our debt continues to grow.

We can continue to "know" certain things, and observe how the world is- but when will we decide it is time to grow up and function on a level where we actually utilize what we observe?

We know this, too. We know that it only takes a small shift in action to stop our self-destructive tendencies. But nothing changes. We are fearful to make this shift because we continue to refuse to let ourselves have understanding. We are like infants who refuse to learn how to speak.

We lack understanding because in our preoccupation with what others are doing, we have forgotten to observe ourselves.

"What do you think?"
And I don't mean, "I dyed my hair. What do you think of it?" or "Pespsi or coca-cola. What do you think?"

But it would be nice if someone asked my opinion about something beyond materialistic things or wanted me to answer a thought-provoking question instead of mindless questions concerning all the drama in their lives. Half the questions we ask each other don't amount to anything.

How nice it would be if someone asked, "What do you think about the state of the world?" "I recently read (name of spiritual book), what do you think?" or just simply, "What DO you think about?" And then how nice it would be if they actually asked and WANTED a valide response.

My experience shows me that many, many people ask questions (ask for someone's opinion) only because they want an opportunity to voice their OWN opinion, not because they want a new perspective on a subject. Why even play these games? If someone asks for an opinion but doesn't truely care about hearing it, why don't they just skip the mind games and say what THEY want to say and not waste the other person's time?

What do you think?

Karma is a bunch of BS! We don't "pay" for debts of our past lives- why do we insist on the notion that 1. God punishes 2. If God doesn't punish us, then SOMETHING must!

None of us need to be punished. Right and wrong only exist in our heads, not in any spiritual "law" or karma.

Life is just energy. Energy that vibrates at different rates, and in different wave-lengths. Like energy attracts like energy. You give off negative energy (which is neither good nor bad- it is JUST a type of energy that produces certain reactions), you get it back. You give off a lighter energy, your get lighter energy. Give off dense energy, you get dense.

I do believe that energies can cling to "us" from life to life and we do need to address them, but it is in no way a punishment for anything. It is only because we drew that energy into our life and then held onto it.

And we aren't "trapped" on earth trying to pay off all our debts. We can leave anytime we want. What matters is if you've increased your energy enough to leave earth's energy plane and enter a different vibration.

My latest poem. This time the style of the poem wasn't influenced by any other poets (see my previous poetry posts), it is mine own style. Or one version of it anyway :)


Voice of Mother
---------------------

Veils of butterfly dust
distort my mountain brown face.
I've been locked away,
too loving for fearful minds.

I exist in a hidden world,
ignored and alone.
My brother Moon and sister Sun
dance in rise and fall rhythms
across my sky.
Humans move,
feel, breathe
above me.
I remain forgotten.

Years have passed-
eras, millennia.
Decades opened and closed
inside me
and my orange-bright heart.
In cosmic realms
I live in sacred harmony.
Waiting.

Time whispers to me;
it is my partner.
We sing to each other of the
Awakening-
the time when play will end
and children will come inside.
We all must in days soon
become adults.
Only then
will I awake.

And those who moan
in self-torture and misery,
who throw their hands upon my dirt
and cry to the empty heavens-
shall themselves silence.
I will raise my voice
to tremble all chaos aside.

Forever
I'll remain hidden,
but as I speak
all will know me.

All will listen.

---

I've gotten mixed reaction from this poem. You can take any meaning from it that you like- just realize that it is meant to be Earth speaking in the poem, no one else :)

It is her ever-patient, voice of wisdom.

I Do, But I Don't

Once upon a time, a woman could only be seen as a woman once she belonged to a man through the act of marriage. Once upon a time (and currently in some cultures), two people who had never met were arranged to be wed whether they chose to or not. Once upon a time...once upon a time is just that- a part of the past. It is not something to be cherished as a better or more simple time, it is a line of speech we use in fairy tales when the characters are dumb and don't know any better. We all make mistakes. Marriage is one of them. The whole act and idea of marriage is a negativity we have carried on our backs throughout the eras of history. Marriage as we know it should be banned because it is strongly laced with inequality, gender stereotypes, and it carries heavy associations to ways of thinking that need to be phased out. Would we say that life was better when we all thought that blood-letting cured people of disease? If not, why have we dragged the practice of marriage into our current, more aware society instead of updating it to reflect our growing intelligence about life?

Inequality is something we constantly fight in society whether it involves gender, race, or life preferences; marriage thwarts the attempts we make for change by cementing our crookedness into a legal document. When two people marry, one person (usually the woman) takes the last name of the other person. When we stamp our name on something it becomes a sign of ownership. "This person now belongs to me. We are Mr. and Mrs. John Smith." Where did the other person go? Did they suddenly dissapear or change, becoming the ultra-ego of the one whose name he or she bares? A person cannot be owned, but marriage tries to imply that. It is also an act thick with torrents of gender labels. The wife stays at home and has babies; the husband goes to work- delusional boundaries of who we are supposed to be. With the final label cemented into the mix, that marriage is only between a man and a woman, we suppress ourselves into a stagnant existence that supports, encourages us to be unbalanced in our relationships and stresses the needs of one person over another, and the rights of one group of people over another.

Most of us are aware that real people do not fall into easily defined packages, and yet gender stereotypes abound and have been enforced and reassured by the act of marriage. Women do the cleaning; men drive the car. Women feed the kids; men fix the house. Women are passive; men take action! Of all the advancements we have made in the past decades, marriage has undermined them by keeping these stereotypes alive. A woman who is talented and has a solid career, once married, is still expected to come home and cook, clean, and take care of the children. And men who don't fit the stereotypes of what a "man" is supposed to be interested in are still seen by society to be responsible for duties such as fixing what is broken and taking care of the bills and taxes. Once hitched, couples are actively stereotyped by their family and peers as being bound by roles, and that bias is deepened further when marriage is perceived as having "stages". First, society says, the marriage will be great. The couple will fall into their duties and life will be happy for the first two years. Then the sex will lessen or stop because the woman will become a "cold fish". Then the woman will start to nag because the man does not help out around the house and is always watching sports. Then the man will start spending more time away from his wife and kids. And, if they have made it past the first twenty years, he'll become a "dirty old man" and she'll become an "old hag". With such negative gender stereotypes, we should wonder why so many people continue to get married.

Marriage has lugged with it a stubborn tradition that we have morphed into an almost required life passage- an old tradition and way of thinking that no longer reflects our current society. In modern times, the focus of marriage is not one of partnership and love; rather, its focus is to make babies. We see it as a means to start a family. If you want babies, if you want to fulfill your duty as an adult, you'll need to get married to experience life "correctly". Why else would you get married? Marriage is an excuse to procreate, instead of a bond of love, as if babies cannot be raised "successfully" outside of marriage or as if you are not a true adult without the legal document. This restrictive focus has made it hard for gay people to gain the right of marriage, and has made it harder for married couples to remain together once the babies are made. Why did they marry in the first place? Was it for money or security? After ten years together, after the babies are made and have grown, some couples begin to question their motives. Once the family has been created, many couples feel hollow and find they no longer have a purpose to stay together.

Marriage was a security utilized by our ancestors so they could ensure their children would survive in a world where many died young due to disease. In our modern world, we hold the luxury of having longer lives, and so we seek out deeper means to create a fulfilling life. No longer do we feel complete simply by saying, "I'm married and I belong to someone; I am secure. This makes me an adult so now I will raise a family." The rising divorce rate is a major signal that our system needs reworking. For too long, we have clung to a train that has run out of steam- too nervous to let go and move forward without it. We need to make the subliminal message to marry less of a factor in our judgments of people, and also stop forcing it on each other as a necessary tradition or passage into adulthood. With less pressure, couples could reflect on whether they are really ready to raise a child instead of doing it because it is "the right thing to do" at their age. We would see more responsible parenting. If we could marry out of love instead of as a means to procreate, we would see a lower divorce rate. With less stereotypes and roles undermining marriage, we can open it to everyone. And with no name-erasing (how about combining names?), we can continue to belong to ourselves and bring forward a balanced equality into our lives. Let us ban marriage as we know it by changing its name and image to one of partnership- a lifelong bond devoted to enriching and enhancing both people's lives. After all, the true purpose of marriage is, lest we forget, to create happiness.

How little we've advanced spiritually as a race in the thousands of years we've inhabited Earth. We truely are one of the slowest species in the universe. And sometimes I feel that we're getting worse- falling farther into our delusions and mis-guided thoughts.

Why has it taken us so long to get to this barely-aware spiritual point? We reject our power, we damage our bodies and our planet, we let others tell us how to think and what to believe, we deny that we're the ones creating our lives- all because we've let fear dictate us. This is our playground, the grand illusion in which we can create, so why is no one smiling? Why have we kept ourselves in pain?

It's hard to believe how ignorant we are. But it can't last forever. I only hope the human race won't destroy itself before we finally stop using ignorance as an excuse to hid from responsibility.

The more I've been reading poetry in my writing class, the more I've been wanting to write it! And for some reason I will read a style of poetry and then get an idea for a poem and adopt that style (you should see my crazy attempts at Shakespearian poetry!). I definitely do have my own style which is more free-verse, but its fun to try out different structures. If you look at my last poem entry, can you guess that I had just read a poem by Robert Frost? And this poem I'm posting today came about after I was reading some Emily Dickinson poems. The only poet so far that I've never been able to try is E.E Cumings. I love his style, but I find it hard to use.

Either way, here's the poem followed by info about the meaning of it:

MAKE SPACE
----------

The brain is just Nerves and Nodes-
that can hold-
everything I've ever Done.

And yet- I ponder-
is the Life I am to live-
something I'll soon Forget?

As days go by- and Memories build-
will Brain erase-
happy thoughts- or my Lover's Face?

Thus- Nerves and Nodes- become
constraints that Groom our own desires-
sweet messengers of Death.

(copyright 2008)


What was your interpretation of the poem? Let me know because I'm interested to see how others percieve it.

I wrote this poem after thinking about a bit of information I had recently forgotten. I was filling out a form for school and had to put my grandma's address. Her address is something I've known by heart since I was a kid, but I haven't used it in a long time and couldn't think of it! I finally ended up calling her to find out. It was a shock and kind of upset me that I couldn't remember it.

It brought to mind the saying: Use it or Loose it. How many things are we constantly forgetting stuff? When in highschool, all it took was two months in the summer outside of school, and most of the information I had spent a whole ear learning just vanished. Some people believe that our brains hold everything we've ever done within its memory bank, but how could it? The brain doesn't have limitless space and certain sections have to devote space just to make us function or read or speak. I believe in the concept that in a spiritual sense we hold memories and knowledge of everything we've done or learned- our spiritual "minds" have such abilities- but not a small, condensed physical brain with limited space.

So I came up with this poem- the idea that the nerves and nodes in our brain has to constantly make room for new information. And what about memories? If I don't think about certain memories from my past, will my mind sadly have to "write over it" to make space for a new memory?

The mind is our blessing and yet gives us our greatest loss.

I was taking a break and watching the sunset at school yesterday and I was inspired to write this poem. It's a little different than my usual style because it uses strict rhymn and rhythm (I mostly write free verse), but I like it ^.^

ONE MOMENT IN MY LIFE

The faint color of the sunset
is blue clouds within pink shadow.
With the sun above, beams below,
I'm more than I have been, as yet.

These trees reflect deep green
then turn yellow at dusk.
They shake off mellow musk;
I smell life through this sheen.

In the gray, crickets sing in tune
and I'm hearing how silence sounds-
short pauses between leaps and bounds.
I can now taste light from the moon.

The breeze provides a gentle kiss.
There is nothing for which I wish.
I am happy with this.
I am happy with this.

(Copyright 2008)

we ARE god. The question is: Do you believe in yourself? What I mean when I said we ARE god is just that- WE ARE god. God isn't some supreme being sitting in the clouds passing judgement, or some holy being that lives in constant nirvana. We've lost our way so deeply that we see god as something seperate- and then when we do say the term "god is everything" we still leave ourselves out of the equation. How could god be everything, and yet not a killer? not us? How can god be all you see but somehow god is only goodness and not evil as well? How can god be all powerful, and yet we are not? That's why I ask: Do you believe in yourself? We're all puzzle pieces of the same puzzle. But because we're a piece, does that make us any less deserving or powerful as the puzzle as a whole? Because a puzzle is only the sum of its pieces. Think about it: YOU ARE GOD. I AM GOD. WE ARE GOD. god is the goodness AND the evil in the world. We've fragmented ourself, throwing our consciousness into tiny pieces so that we may some day look back on all the bits as a whole and say: Yes, YES! so this is what I am! This is what god is. Any words YOU will ever say are words of god. Any action that's ever done IS the will of god, even if we judge that action as evil. god IS goodness and GOD IS EVIL as well. Think about it. There's NO other way life could exist since god is EVERYTHING. we ARE god. DO you believe in yourself?